Just wanted to write up an update on where I am right now. I know I haven’t been updating my blogs that much, and I even made all of my previous posts private. Well, maybe withdrawing from the world wasn’t such a good idea.
I’ve been trying to make some new friends this semester. In some cases, I’ve succeeded, and for that I am grateful, but in other cases, I still feel like I’m stumbling. There’s one person in particular that I really want to get closer to, but my shyness and my fear of being awkward keep getting in the way. I even thought of keeping a tally of the number of days when I’d make progress and when I wouldn’t. I haven’t actually been keeping track that closely, but I think I’m falling behind.
I’ve always been single, and for the past couple of years I’ve enjoyed it, having to care for only myself. Also, I really do believe that right now is not a good time to be looking for a girlfriend, since I have a lot of personal issues to deal with before that. But lately there’s been something in me that’s just calling out for that very close companionship that I see people having around me all the time, a silent yearning that I’m trying so much to ignore. Sometimes it gets louder, and it scares me. I’m not ready yet. How do you know when you’re ready?
Anime Club has been really fun lately. I’ve been able to find a few guys who play Magic: the Gathering, so we’ve been doing that during the break. I also feel more like part of the group than in previous semesters. It really has been worth the commute to campus, even though I don’t have class on Fridays.
One of my classmates from a few semesters ago is in Acasola, this incredible acapella group that performs every Thursday at half past noon. Aside from Anime Club, coming to these little shows has become the highlight of my week. The shows are fun and enjoyable, and some songs in their repertoire bring shivers up and down my spine, in the good way.
This semester, I’m taking an Asian American Studies class and a Philosophy class to help me decide whether I want to minor in one, the other, or both. My first instinct, before these classes, was to declare both, and then if the workload became too much, just drop one. Now I’m wondering if I really want to stay in school that much longer. I need to review the coursework I’d need to complete, but I remember some required classes that I’m really just not interested in taking. I guess that’s part of any major or minor that I have to accept if I want it on my diploma when I graduate.
The classes themselves, as well as my four English classes, have been, well, ranging from okay to great. Language and Linguistics and Introduction to Modern Grammar are the okay ones, but I don’t blame the professor for it. It’s just that the subjects aren’t very interesting. My Contemporary Social and Political Issues class is good, and I really like my professor, but we only have lecture once a week, and for only an hour and a half at a time, while the rest of the class is online, which isn’t really helpful in making my decision on whether to declare a Philosophy minor. Writing About Literature, Asian American Fiction, and Poetry Creative Writing are all great. I really feel so lucky to be taking these classes with these professors. The Asian American Fiction class has quite a heavy workload, but I really do feel like I’m learning, so it’s okay. Yikes, I say that now, when the midterm essay and midterm exam are both within the next couple of weeks. Hopefully those don’t change my opinion on the class.
Most of my new friends have come from that Asian American Fiction class. It’s made me realize that maybe the learning and the courses and the professors aren’t the only things I’ll gain from declaring a minor. There’s also being part of another community. The people in my English classes are cool and all, but nothing’s really stopping me from making friends in multiple departments.
I started writing poetry again, after about half a year of not writing anything, thanks to my Poetry Creative Writing class. I feel like my voice has definitely developed, not exactly in the sense that it’s matured, but, from discussions with friends and classmates, I’ve realized that my poems have gotten rather difficult to decipher. It’s this complete turnaround from when I first started writing poetry and wanted it to be easy to understand and relate to. I wonder what that says about me, not just as a writer, but as a person.
These new poems I’ve written for my class are currently still undergoing revisions and/or I don’t feel comfortable posting them as they are. I still haven’t updated my Poetry blog in a while. If anyone’s been looking forward to reading new material on there, I’m sorry.